reality is overrated?

I miss my Forge family.

I missed them so much today that I almost had to bite my lip to keep from bursting into tears.

I went to BSF and was the youngest person in the room. I am trying to start a new life outside of “formal” learning. It was great to get to learn more about the book of Isaiah but there was something missing.

I wanted my family there with me so bad. This is one of the first places where I will be studying God’s word formally without my 22 brother and sisters. It was like another step of moving on with my life…without them. I am learning something that they aren’t apart of. This is the rest of my life, but it is hard when you have to face a reality that you are ready to face.

I’ve never been one for facing reality. I remember a conversation I had with a special friend about facing reality. Said friend and I were driving down the road when we passed a dead dog. I explained to him what I chose to believe it was a squirrel because that was easier for me. To know that it was a dog, sucked. I mean, a dog makes it someone’s pet, someone’s best friend, a loved member of the family. I knew there was some little boy or girl somewhere who was crying because their dog was gone and not coming back. It broke my heart to realize that it was dog. So in my mind, it was a squirrel. Trying to explain my thought process to my friend was hard because he doesn’t see life the same way I do, and I am so thankful that we don’t. It my head it didn’t make any difference if that was a squirrel or a dog but to him it was avoiding reality. He then very gently and caringly explained to me that it wasn’t okay for me to view life that way. That even when life is tough or heartbreaking, I must face it. To avoid it would be to take an opportunity to praise God and look around it because it makes me feel bad or hurt my heart. God has been gracious to reveal so much to me about this.

It is when my heart is truly broken that He can do the works He wants in it. Its when something is broken that it needs to be fixed. And who better to fix something that is broken than the person who created it? I mean, I wouldn’t call a guitar maker to come fix my refrigerator. That’s dumb. If I have a problem with my refrigerator, I will call the man who made it. Therefore, it I have a broken heart that needs fixing, who better to fix it than the Creator who made it. Not to mention, made it out of nothing. I have clung so tightly to this Psalm when I am devastatingly heartbroken.

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I serve a good God.

He is sovereign over all.

Even dead dogs on the side of the road? Yes, even that.

Even the fact that I have to move on and find a new community? Yes, even that.

Now if I could just remember that every moment of my life…yes, then I would be set.